The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F Cliff Notes
Chapter 1. Don't Endeavour
The key to a good life is not giving a fuck about more; it'southward giving a fuck almost merely what is true and firsthand and important.
Not giving a fuck does not mean being indifferent; it ways being comfortable with existence different.
To not give a fuck virtually adversity, you must first give a fuck almost something more important than arduousness.
Whether you lot realize it or not, you are always choosing what to requite a fuck well-nigh.
Chapter ii. Happiness Is a Problem
Happiness is a constant piece of work-in-progress, because solving problems is a constant work-in-progress — the solutions to today's problems volition lay the foundation for tomorrow'southward problems and and then on. True happiness occurs only when you detect the problems you enjoy having and enjoy solving.
Denial. Some people deny that their problems exist in the first place. And considering they deny reality, they must constantly delude or distract themselves from reality.
Victim Mentality. Victims seek to blame others for their problems or arraign exterior circumstances. This may brand them feel better in the short term, but it leads to a life of anger, helplessness, and despair.
Nosotros similar the idea that there'due south some course of ultimate happiness that can be attained, We like the idea that we can alleviate all of our suffering permanently. We like the thought that we can feel fulfilled and satisfied with our lives forever. Simply we cannot.
Real, serious, lifelong fulfillment and meaning take to be earned through the choosing and managing of our struggles.
What determines your success isn't, "What do you desire to enjoy?" The relevant question is, "What pain practice yous want to sustain?" The path to happiness is a path total of shitheaps and shame.
Chapter 3. You Are Not Special
A person who actually has a high self-worth is able to look at the negative parts of his character frankly and then acts to better upon them.
People who get great at something become great because they empathise that they're non already great — they are mediocre, they are average — and that they could be and then much ameliorate.
Affiliate 4. The Value of Suffering
We get to command what our problems mean based on how we cull to think about them, the standard past which we choose to measure them.
If yous desire to modify how y'all see your problems, y'all have to change what you value and/or how you measure failure/success.
People who focus their energy on superficial pleasures end upwards more anxious, more emotionally unstable, and more depressed. Pleasure is the most superficial class of life satisfaction and therefore the easiest to obtain and the easiest to lose.
One time one is able to provide for basic physical needs, the correlation between happiness and worldly success speedily approaches zero.
People who base their self-worth on existence correct about everything forestall themselves from learning from their mistakes.
Denying negative emotions leads to experiencing deeper and more prolonged negative emotions and to emotional dysfunction.
Some of the greatest moments of one's life are not pleasant, not successful, non known, and not positive.
This, in a nutshell, is what "cocky-comeback" is really about: prioritizing amend values, choosing better things to requite a fuck most. Because when you give meliorate fucks, yous get better problems. And when you go better bug, you get a meliorate life.
Affiliate v. You Are E'er Choosing
When nosotros feel that we're choosing our issues, nosotros feel empowered. When nosotros experience that our bug are being forced upon us against our will, we feel victimized and miserable.
The more nosotros choose to accept responsibility in our lives, the more power we will exercise over our lives. Accepting responsibility for our problems is thus the first step to solving them.
Some people get saddled with worse problems than others. And some people are legitimately victimized in horrible ways. But as much every bit this may upset united states or disturb united states, it ultimately changes nothing near the responsibility equation of our individual situation.
Chapter 6. Y'all're Wrong About Everything (Just So Am I)
Growth is an endlessly iterative process. When we learn something new, we don't get from "incorrect" to "right". Rather, nosotros go from incorrect to slightly less wrong. And when we learn something boosted, we become from slightly less wrong to slightly less incorrect than that, then to even less wrong than that, and then on. We are always in the procedure of approaching truth and perfection without actually always reaching truth or perfection.
Instead of striving for certainty, we should be in constant search of doubt: doubt virtually our own beliefs, dubiety our own feelings, doubt nigh what the future may hod for us unless we get out in that location and create it for ourselves. Instead of looking to be right all the time, we should be looking for how we're wrong all the time. Because we are.
Openness to being incorrect must exist for whatsoever real change or growth to take place.
People are often so agape of success — for the verbal aforementioned reason they're afraid of failure: it threatens who they believe themselves to be.
Questions that volition assistance you breed a piddling more uncertainty in your life.
- What if I'm incorrect?
- What would it mean if I were wrong?
- Would being wrong create a improve of a worse problem than my electric current problem, for both myself and others?
If it feels like information technology's yous versus the earth, chances are it's really just you lot versus yourself.
Chapter 7. Failure Is the Mode Forward
Improvement at anything is based on thousands of tiny failures, and the magnitude of your success is based on how many times you've failed at something. If someone is better that you at something, then it's likely because she has failed at it more than you have. If someone is worse than you, it's likely because he hasn't been through all of the painful learning experiences you have.
At some bespeak, most of u.s. achieve a place where we're afraid to neglect, where we instinctively avoid failure and stick simply to what is placed in forepart of us or merely what nosotros're already good at.
Our most radical changes in perspective frequently happen at the tail end of our worst moments. Information technology's only when we feel intense pain that we're willing to look at our values and question why they seem to be failing u.s..
Learn to sustain the pain you've called. When you choose a new value, you are choosing to introduce a new form of pain into your life. Relish information technology. Savor it. Welcome it with open artillery. And so act despite it.
If you lack the motivation to make am important alter in your life, do something — annihilation, really — and then harness the reaction to that action as a way to begin motivating yourself.
Chapter 8. The Importance of Maxim No
The merely way to achieve meaning and a sense of importance in one's life is through a rejection of alternatives, a narrowing of liberty, a choice of commitment to i identify, one conventionalities, or (gulp) i person.
Nosotros need to reject something. Otherwise, we stand for nothing. If zip is amend or more desirable than anything else, and so we are empty and our life is meaningless. We are without values and therefore live our life without any purpose.
Part of having honesty in our lives is condign comfortable with saying and hearing the word "no." In this way, rejection actually makes our relationships improve and our emotional lives healthier.
The deviation between a healthy and an unhealthy relationship comes down to two things: 1) how well each person in the relationship accepts responsibility, and two) the willingness of each person to both turn down and be rejected by their partner.
When our highest priority is to always make ourselves experience good, or to always make our partner feel good, and so nobody ends up feeling adept. And our relationship falls apart without our even knowing it.
Without disharmonize, there tin exist no trust. Conflict exists to show us who is in that location for us unconditionally and who is just at that place for the benefits. No 1 trusts a yes-man.
When trust is destroyed, information technology can be rebuilt only if the post-obit two steps happen: one) the trust-billow admits the true values that caused the breach and owns upwards to them, and 2) the trust-billow builds a solid track record of improved behavior over fourth dimension. Without the first footstep, there should be no attempt at reconciliation in the first place.
When you're pursuing a wide breadth of experience, there are diminishing returns to each new adventure, each new person or thing.
Depth is where the gold is buried. And you have to stay committed to something and go deep to dig it up. That's true in relationships, in a career, in edifice a great lifestyle — in everything.
Affiliate ix. … And Then You Die
In a bizarre, backwards way, death is the light by which the shadow of all of life'due south meaning is measured. Without death, everything would experience inconsequential, all experience arbitrary, all metrics and values suddenly naught.
Whether information technology be through mastering an fine art grade, conquering a new land, gaining great riches, or merely having a big and loving family unit that will live on for generation, all the significant in our life is shaped past this innate desire to never truly die.
To truly not give a unmarried fuck is to achieve a quasi-spiritual state of embracing the impermanence of ane'south own beingness. In that state, 1 is far less likely to get caught upward in various forms of entitlement.
The fear of expiry follows from the fright of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.
Confronting the reality of our own mortality is of import because it obliterates all the crappy, fragile, superficial values in life.
The only way to be comfy with death is to understand and meet yourself as something bigger than yourself; to cull values that stretch across serving yourself, that are simple and firsthand and controllable and tolerant of the chaotic world around you.
Y'all are already smashing because in the face of endless confusion and certain decease, you continue to choose what to give a fuck about and what not to. This mere fact, this simple optioning for your own values in life, already makes you beautiful, already makes you lot successful, and already makes you loved. Even if you lot don't realize it.
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